People-pleasing has been one of my most pernicious character defects. I walked into recovery with absolute TERROR of someone being upset with me. Making someone else happy literally felt like a matter of life and death to me. In fact, I would twist myself in knots... read more
My default instinct is to run from problems. Because, often, I’m ashamed. I’m afraid of what the problem says about me. I feel like I really shouldn’t have this problem. Even after 14 years in recovery, I still want to run, dig my head in the sand,... read more
Damaged goods. That’s how I felt when I walked into the doors of family recovery. A total freakin’ mess. I mean, I felt really, really broken when I walked into the rooms. And I felt like all this stuff needed to be fixed, like, yesterday. Like it was a... read more
My friend shared with me a couple of days ago about a solstice event she attended. It was all about embracing the darkness. Embracing the grief. Embracing the fear. Embracing the broken places inside us. The moment she said the words ‘embracing the... read more
“What made you decide to study French?” I get this question all the time. And it’s a tough question to answer for several reasons. I mean, you’ve perhaps heard the joke: “What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? Trilingual. What... read more
I went to a religious school in grade school and one of the things I heard in services that stuck with me forever was: “Everything that happens to you is God’s will.” Growing up with addiction and violence, at the time, some pretty awful things were... read more
But what do you do when all this stuff so totally feels like a failure? What about that To Do list with so little crossed off? What about the dishes that are piling up, or the clothes I haven’t put away, or the emails I haven’t responded to, or the workout plan I haven’t stuck to, or the diet I haven’t been adhering to?
Aren’t those all failures?
I’ve got good news and bad news for you, sisters and brothers. The answer is a resounding NO.
Lois played a significant role in the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous because it was Lois who pointed out to Bill that, even if he had not yet once succeeded in getting another alcoholic sober, the mere effort to help another alcoholic was keeping him sober.
After Lois pointed that out, Bill faced a crisis that had him seriously tempted to drink again. And so he knew he had to find someone else to try and help or he would indeed turn back to drinking. He found Dr. Bob, and thus Alcoholics Anonymous was born.
But I’d like to honor Lois for a different awareness: the realization that she herself had been profoundly affected by someone else’s drinking.