As I was working on Step 3, my sponsor gave me an assignment.
She asked me to go through all the literature I had, read what it had to say on Step 3, and write down my thoughts on anything I read that resonated with me or surprised me.
Well, one of the things that surprised me was how many words there are for God in the Big Book. Creative Intelligence, Power, Spirit of the Universe, Great Reality, Presence of Infinite Power and Love.
As I recognized that all of these different expressions for “the God idea,” I, personally, realized that I liked some of them better for myself.
Other people love the word, “God,” which is fabulous.
For me, it came with a lot of baggage that I struggled to let go of.
So one thing I did that I will suggest to you, no matter what your word is, is to make a list of all these words, and others that you could speak to the idea of a Higher Power. (more…)
Maybe you already know your Higher Power has always been there, but I gotta say, I never cease to be amazed of all the ways my Higher Power shows up for me.
It’s not just that my Higher Power shows up for me, but that my HP shows up for me in ways where there’s absolutely no doubt it’s speaking to me, and only me.
As I start to recognize this, I start to see even more what the care of God might actually look like for me.
This may sound crazy, but it feels like we each have our own particular language and God can and does speak them all.
Here’s an example:
Some of you may know that I am a huge Harry Potter fan.
I grew up in a family full of alcoholism, addiction and abuse that left me feeling quite broken.
One of the first pieces of my journey towards healing was a counselor who suggested I read Harry Potter, since it was the story of a boy who was also horribly emotionally abused, and yet nevertheless had these amazing gifts to bring to the world. (more…)
Step Three suggests we “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
My first response to reading that was “but I don’t understand Him!”
Or worse, in what little understanding I had of Him, God was actually an asshole.
So, yeah, what if we don’t really understand Him? Or worse, think he’s a colossal jerk?
Those aren’t actually fertile grounds for turning things over, are they?
Well, I’ve got a little tool that may help you. (more…)
I went to a religious school in grade school and one of the things I heard in services that stuck with me forever was: “Everything that happens to you is God’s will.”
Growing up with addiction and violence, at the time, some pretty awful things were happening to me.
So I drew two simultaneous and contradictory conclusions from this statement: 1) God was a terrorist (and a complete asshole – I mean, WTH did I ever do to him?!?!), and 2) there must be something terribly wrong with me, so God would never do good things for me.
It took me a loooonnnnggg time to get my head around the idea that my Higher Power actually cared.
I had to be backed into a corner of pain I could no longer bear, turn an incredibly frightening situation – leaving my marriage – over to him, and watch how my Higher Power took care of me in ways that totally blew me away.
My Higher Power did this in ways that made it obvious that my Higher Power specifically cared about ME, had specifically protected ME, had thought about what would be comforting and caring to ME, what would bring peace, joy and serenity to MY world.
Seriously, I was totally dumbstruck by the experience.
I honestly thought that if God was going to take care of me at all, he was only going to give me the bare minimum of what I needed. And then he was going to spitefully toss it at my feet, spitting out “Here! Are you happy now?”