The Surprising Relationship Between Resentment and Procrastination

The Surprising Relationship Between Resentment and Procrastination

I wanted to title this post “The Surprising Relationship Between Forgiveness and Productivity,” but I thought, if you’ve suffered from procrastination like I have, then pointing out forgiveness’ beneficent effects on procrastination might feel more useful to you.

So let me share a little bit of my experience.

I’ve struggled to consistently pursue my dreams. I’ve done it in fits and starts. One of the reasons for this is the significant amount of often very subtle emotional abuse I experienced growing up.

My family is profoundly affected by addiction and family addiction, and one of the ways these dynamics play out is to undermine, and at times outright emotionally crush, anyone who’s “getting a little too big for their britches.”

I’ve been in family recovery for 16 years now, and I’ve experienced a tremendous amount of healing around this. But one thing that stuck with me for a long time was thinking that achieving a dream or reaching a goal would somehow show up all the people who had tried to keep me down.

Denial is a funny thing because, with all that experience in family recovery, it took me a long time to realize that thinking my achievements were somehow going to “show them” meant that my actions were still revolving around them. In other words, I was keeping the focus on others and not on myself.

I have a dear friend in recovery who does vision cards (like a vision board, but just one idea/image per card.) I was privileged to be able to make vision cards with her for the people on our 4th step lists. These cards were a visual representation of praying that everything I want for myself to be given to these people on my list, just like it suggests in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I’d write their name on one side of the card, and put an image representing what I want for them on the other.

I started meditating on these cards almost every morning, and wouldn’t you know! I have become much more productive and consistent in the process. I am much better at nipping procrastination in the bud.

Not that I should be surprised. I mean, wouldn’t a loving Higher Power want me to use my goals and my dreams to fill my heart up, rather than nurse a resentment?

But this level of resentment for me was a layer deep within the proverbial onion. There were other layers that needed to be released before I could recognize this one. Nevertheless, it’s incredibly freeing to be released from it.

So now I’d like to hear from you. Is there a particular goal you are pursuing from which a resentment is holding you back? If so, how might get support for letting it go so you can be freer to pursue your dreams?

Share your experience, strength, and hope in the comments. I read every one.

Why Acceptance of Your Shortcomings Works So Much Better

Why Acceptance of Your Shortcomings Works So Much Better

Do you feel like you have to fix whatever you think is broken in you or the shiz in your life is really going to fly?

As in, any. minute. now.

Do you feel like all that crap needed to be fixed, like, yesterday?

Yeah, me too.

But let me ask you something: how’s that attitude of crisis and urgency around your shortcomings working for you?

I know for damn sure it hasn’t worked for me.

In fact, it just kept me feeling stuck, small and broken.

Even worse, it seriously challenged my faith in my Higher Power.

And I get it. It can totally feel like that sense of urgency is the only thing that’s keeping those defects of character from getting worse and then REALLY messing up your life.

But let this be an invitation to create a little space around that feeling.

To help you out with that, I’ll let you in on a not so little secret about me. (more…)

Is People Pleasing Killing Your Recovery? 6 Steps to Stop Saying ‘Yes’ When You Want to Say ‘No.’

Is People Pleasing Killing Your Recovery? 6 Steps to Stop Saying ‘Yes’ When You Want to Say ‘No.’

People-pleasing has been one of my most pernicious character defects.

I walked into recovery with absolute TERROR of someone being upset with me. Making someone else happy literally felt like a matter of life and death to me. In fact, I would twist myself in knots either trying to please people, or worrying about pleasing people, that I didn’t even like. That’s how crazy that behavior has been for me.

Now, God knows, I came by this honestly.

In the family I grew up in, not pleasing someone could have horrific consequences – physical violence, threats of being thrown out of the house, gossip to every other family member about your most intimate secrets and what a terrible daughter you were, or the silent treatment for days on end.

It’s no wonder that every security instinct in my body felt like I had to make other people happy, no matter what the cost, in order to survive. (more…)