One of my favorite quotes is “Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone,” by Robert Allen.
Which means, I have to accept being uncomfortable if I want to change and grow.
The challenge for me is, the discomfort triggers fear.
As a coach, I read A LOT about personal growth, and one of the books I read recently gave me a very helpful insight on the distinction between discomfort and fear.
The book is called Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead, by Tara Mohr.
In one of her chapters Tara Mohr draws on Judaic scripture and explains that the Hebrew Bible uses two different words for fear: pachad and yirah.
The distinction between these two fears can be very helpful. (more…)
You know the saying: “Waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
And I know many of us are very, VERY, familiar with that feeling.
After having lived with so much chaos and trauma, it can be really hard to trust the calm.
It’s an attitude that can be a real challenge to shift because the distance from where you are to trusting calm and good things can feel so great.
So here’s a quick suggestion that can help you make the shift. It’s based on the tested principle of taking things one step at a time.
Rather than expect yourself to trust the calm, and to feel comfortable when things are going well, simply ask yourself any forward looking question that starts with “What if…?” (more…)
Do you struggle to believe God will help you with your challenges?
I sure did. Sometimes I still do.
But my struggles went beyond the Second Step, “Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
After spending a fair amount of time in the rooms, I was no longer struggling to believe God could help me; I was struggling to believe God would.
This is what terminal uniqueness looked like for me: God would help you, but he’s not going to help me.
My reasoning went something like this: “If God was really going to help me, why hasn’t he already?” (more…)
As I was working on Step 3, my sponsor gave me an assignment.
She asked me to go through all the literature I had, read what it had to say on Step 3, and write down my thoughts on anything I read that resonated with me or surprised me.
Well, one of the things that surprised me was how many words there are for God in the Big Book. Creative Intelligence, Power, Spirit of the Universe, Great Reality, Presence of Infinite Power and Love.
As I recognized that all of these different expressions for “the God idea,” I, personally, realized that I liked some of them better for myself.
Other people love the word, “God,” which is fabulous.
For me, it came with a lot of baggage that I struggled to let go of.
So one thing I did that I will suggest to you, no matter what your word is, is to make a list of all these words, and others that you could speak to the idea of a Higher Power. (more…)
Maybe you already know your Higher Power has always been there, but I gotta say, I never cease to be amazed of all the ways my Higher Power shows up for me.
It’s not just that my Higher Power shows up for me, but that my HP shows up for me in ways where there’s absolutely no doubt it’s speaking to me, and only me.
As I start to recognize this, I start to see even more what the care of God might actually look like for me.
This may sound crazy, but it feels like we each have our own particular language and God can and does speak them all.
Here’s an example:
Some of you may know that I am a huge Harry Potter fan.
I grew up in a family full of alcoholism, addiction and abuse that left me feeling quite broken.
One of the first pieces of my journey towards healing was a counselor who suggested I read Harry Potter, since it was the story of a boy who was also horribly emotionally abused, and yet nevertheless had these amazing gifts to bring to the world. (more…)
Step Three suggests we “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
My first response to reading that was “but I don’t understand Him!”
Or worse, in what little understanding I had of Him, God was actually an asshole.
So, yeah, what if we don’t really understand Him? Or worse, think he’s a colossal jerk?
Those aren’t actually fertile grounds for turning things over, are they?
Well, I’ve got a little tool that may help you. (more…)