Forgiveness Doesn’t Have to Make You a Doormat
I used to think that I had to stay angry to protect myself, that my resentments were the only thing keeping me from getting walked on again. This was just one of the many examples of my black and white thinking. Until one day, the most banal thing...
Why Unrealistic Expectations are a Cunningly Cruel Form of [Self]-Abuse
Much of the abuse I grew up with was not physical. It was emotional. And emotional abuse is often much harder to put a finger on. Sure, if someone calls you a loser or some other kind of slur, that's easy to recognize. But so often, emotional abuse comes in all the...
Five Signs that Demonstrate You’ve Truly Surrendered
I'm confronting new frontiers of things I have to admit I am powerless over, so I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on the spiritual principle of surrender. It's the principle behind Step 1 of the Twelve Steps. Step One in AA's 12x12 suggests we will never...
Four Fundamental Truths About Acceptance
In my experience, two of the most difficult recovery concepts are acceptance and surrender. So I'm going to try to tackle these two in this and the next blog post. This week I'm going to start with acceptance. Many of us are very familiar with the quote in the Big...
One Way to Get Unstuck from Old Narratives
Let's just start with one of my oldest narratives that can continually play on repeat in the back of my head: "I'll never be good enough." I have others, too. Like, "Good things won't happen to me." Or, "This won't work for me." Now, I've been around long enough...
One Thing You Can Do with Legitimate Anger
I have often been taught that anger is dangerous. And it was - often because I kept it pent up. And then I'd explode. Another reason anger could be dangerous for me was because the people who were violating me - the cause of the anger - were gaslighting me and...
Step 2 and Your Relationship to Power
I don't know about you, but I really struggled with the spiritual basis of the Twelve Step program. Fortunately for me, and I suspect for many of us, I was desperate. And I was also hearing people tell my story. And for the first time, I knew I wasn't alone. I...
What Einstein Taught Me About Step 3
I was in grad school when I first got into recovery. One of the challenges I had in those early days was reconciling my heady intellectual pursuits with the spiritual process of the Twelve Steps. I especially struggled with what it meant to decide to turn your will...
A New Take on Step 10
I used to think that Step 10 had the be THE. LEAST. SEXY. of all the 12 Steps. First of all, there was no drama in it. Not like Steps 4, 5, or 9. Second, it assured us that even after we had completed an inventory and made amends we would continue to be wrong. The...
The Surprising Relationship Between Resentment and Procrastination
I wanted to title this post "The Surprising Relationship Between Forgiveness and Productivity," but I thought, if you've suffered from procrastination like I have, then pointing out forgiveness' beneficent effects on procrastination might feel more useful to you....
One Key Action to Facing the Most Difficult Challenges
You haven't heard from me in quite awhile. I've been going through two of the most difficult and scary years of my life. Why? Money. A shit ton of financial insecurity. Let me tell you, this has been my biggest fear, and the area of life where I have my biggest...
One Way to Change Your Perspective on Fear
One of my favorite quotes is "Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone," by Robert Allen. Which means, I have to accept being uncomfortable if I want to change and grow. The challenge for me is, the discomfort triggers fear. As a coach, I read A LOT...
Do You Get Nervous When Things Are Going Well? One Question You Can Ask to Shift Your Perspective
You know the saying: "Waiting for the other shoe to drop." And I know many of us are very, VERY, familiar with that feeling. After having lived with so much chaos and trauma, it can be really hard to trust the calm. It's an attitude that can be a real challenge to...
Why Having a RELATIONSHIP with God is Critical
Do you struggle to believe God will help you with your challenges? I sure did. Sometimes I still do. But my struggles went beyond the Second Step, "Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." After spending a fair amount of time in...
Another Easy Exercise to Better Understand Your Higher Power
As I was working on Step 3, my sponsor gave me an assignment. She asked me to go through all the literature I had, read what it had to say on Step 3, and write down my thoughts on anything I read that resonated with me or surprised me. Well, one of the things that...
