Do you feel like you have to fix whatever you think is broken in you or the shiz in your life is really going to fly?
As in, any. minute. now.
Do you feel like all that crap needed to be fixed, like, yesterday?
Yeah, me too.
But let me ask you something: how’s that attitude of crisis and urgency around your shortcomings working for you?
I know for damn sure it hasn’t worked for me.
In fact, it just kept me feeling stuck, small and broken.
Even worse, it seriously challenged my faith in my Higher Power.
And I get it. It can totally feel like that sense of urgency is the only thing that’s keeping those defects of character from getting worse and then REALLY messing up your life.
But let this be an invitation to create a little space around that feeling.
To help you out with that, I’ll let you in on a not so little secret about me. (more…)
People-pleasing has been one of my most pernicious character defects.
I walked into recovery with absolute TERROR of someone being upset with me. Making someone else happy literally felt like a matter of life and death to me. In fact, I would twist myself in knots either trying to please people, or worrying about pleasing people, that I didn’t even like. That’s how crazy that behavior has been for me.
Now, God knows, I came by this honestly.
In the family I grew up in, not pleasing someone could have horrific consequences – physical violence, threats of being thrown out of the house, gossip to every other family member about your most intimate secrets and what a terrible daughter you were, or the silent treatment for days on end.
It’s no wonder that every security instinct in my body felt like I had to make other people happy, no matter what the cost, in order to survive. (more…)